Actor Shia LaBeouf is determined to "take ownership" of his mistakes after his "mortifying" racist rant during his arrest in Georgia last summer (17).
The Transformers star hit headlines in July (17), when he was busted for disorderly conduct, public drunkenness, and obstruction during a night out in Savannah, where he had been shooting the film The Peanut Butter Falcon.
Video footage of the incident, obtained by TMZ.com, showed LaBeouf verbally abusing the arresting officers, telling an African-American cop he was going to hell for the colour of his skin.
LaBeouf, who has a history of legal trouble, subsequently issued a public apology, insisting he was "deeply ashamed" of his behaviour, which served as motivation for him to work on his sobriety.
Five months after officially accepting a plea deal from prosecutors, which landed him one day in jail, a fine, anger management classes, and drug and alcohol counselling, LaBeouf admits he had completely "lost the plot" after blurring the lines of his work and real life.
"For a long time, I thought that life was secondary to art," the 31-year-old tells Esquire magazine in his first sit-down interview since his arrest. "And then you realise you can't have this art thing without the life thing. I'm just trying to deal with my life right now, 'cause I don't have f**k-all to offer the world until I do."
Reflecting on the summer arrest, he says, "What went on in Georgia was mortifying. White privilege and desperation and disaster... It came from a place of self-centered delusion... It was me trying to absolve myself of guilt for getting arrested."
"I f**ked up," he adds.
LaBeouf acknowledges his "public outbursts" may remind people of those by famed tennis star John McEnroe, who he portrays in new movie Borg vs. McEnroe, but states, "McEnroe was a master at his rage."
"I'm a buffoon," he admits. "My public outbursts are failures. They're not strategic. They're a struggling motherf**ker showing his a** in front of the world."
The actor has since been diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), stemming from the violence he witnessed his mother suffer during his childhood, and he is now working to rebuild his reputation in Hollywood.
"I've got to look at my failures in the face for a while," Shia explains. "I need to take ownership of my s**t and clean up my side of the street a bit before I can go out there and work again, so I'm trying to stay creative and learn from my mistakes.
"I've been falling forward for a long time. Most of my life. The truth is, in my desperation, I lost the plot."