25 September 2019
Marco Gandolfi
Many like to debate about which movies is the best of the year but don’t you agree it is much more fun to pick which movie is the worst?
Yes, even in the throes of the season when most of the Oscar hopefuls are released, there are a few dogs.
Even oddsmakers for the top top sportsbooks are offering opinions in the form of wagers on which movies stink so bad you can’t smell the popcorn in the theater lobby.
Case in point, “Serenity,” a high-concept, twisty mystery starring Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathway. The movie’s first mistake is its title, the same name of the 2005 feature film that deepened the legend and tied up a few loose ends of the beloved series “Firefly,” abruptly axed by Fox.
The 14-episode series told the tales of Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) and his motley crew of space pirates and their travels across the galaxy. The show still has a cult following.
This one-hour 46-minute movie wants to be “Body Heat” wannabe with Hathaway failing so badly as a Kathleen Turner femme fatale if they had titled the movie “Serenity NOW!” it might have more sense.
And if we were picking the nominees for the annual Razzie Awards, which celebrates the worst in film for the year, “Serenity” would be nominee No. 1.
Razzies are given in 16 categories the day before Oscars, which are handed out on Feb. 9. Last year’s winners, er, losers included the allegedly comedic “Holmes & Watson,” which was supposed to be a humorous take on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s mystery-solving duo. It won Worst Picture, Worst Director, Etan Cohen; and Worst Supporting Actor, John C. Reilly. Worst Actor went to President Trump for his appearance in “Death of a Nation” and “Fahrenheit 11/9”; Worst Actress, Melissa McCarthy in “The Happytime Murders” and “Life of the Party.”
Unfortunately this year, there are multiple candidates for a Razzie beyond “Serenity,” such as:
“The Hustle” – Not to be confused with “Hustlers,” which may get Jennifer Lopez an Oscar nomination, this film stars Rebel Wilson and Anne Hathaway, who is having a very bad year. One critic called this 93-minute “an hour too long.” That’s gotta hurt.
“The Goldfinch” – What hurts about this film being under consideration for a Razzie is that it was at one point thought to be an Oscar contender. The dense Donna Tartt novel translated so poorly to the big screen one critic suggested “you might have more fun watching a pigeon for 149 minutes.”
“X-Men: Dark Phoenix” – A talented cast (Sophie Turner, Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain and Jennifer Lawrence) which effectively killed the “X-Men” franchise.
“Men in Black: International” – We don’t think there is an eraser gadget big enough to suck the memory of this Chris Hemsworth and Tess Thompson clunker from our brain.
“The Kitchen” – Melissa McCarthy, Tiffany Haddish and Elisabeth Moss play wives who take over their husbands’ rackets when they go to jail. It’s a film that needed a lot more cooking.
“Wonder Park” – Many say this animated film, which features the voices of Jennifer Garner, Mathew Broderick and Ken Jeong, lifted its plot from “Alice in Wonderland” and it isn’t so wonderful.
“Hellboy” – A “soulless reboot” which proves no one, not even “Stranger Things” actor David Harbour can fill the filed-flat horns left empty by Ron Perlman.
“Captive State” – If no one actually sees your movie can you be nominated for a Razzie? John Goodman and Aston Sander may find out.
“Cats” – The trailer alone for the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical is providing enough Razzie buzz it could sweep the major categories and maybe add one for “worst digital fur.”
“Serenity” – We just wanted to remind you how bad this movie was. So bad, one critic called it “the final nail in the McConaissance coffin.”
