Naked Women, The Bongo Club

As part of the Bongo Lives! Festival, Naked Women, written, produced and directed by Julian Wickham, was the second production by the Edinburgh Stage School. Three original one-act plays, all highlighting the extremities of the female psyche, thoroughly enticed, entertained, and occasionally even perplexed the audience.

With a good audience turn-out and relaxing surroundings, the evening’s first play is The Woeful Ballad Of Christine and Eric – a cautionary tale about how demons from the past can get the better of you if not exorcized! Set in an upmarket restaurant specialising in Spanish cuisine, the action centres around Christine (Kerry Trewern), a well-dressed and attractive woman who obviously belongs to the ‘ladies who lunch’ tribe - though on this occasion she dines. More precisely, she is on a dinner date… with Eric (Ross Simpson), a young man and former lad-about-town, and a bit of a ladies man. That said, it becomes clear pretty quick that Eric has but one wish: to leave his philandering days behind him and settle down with ‘that special lady’ – whoever she might be. Likewise, Christine has high hopes that Eric might turn out to be the man of her dreams. As someone who has been betrayed and emotionally bruised in the past (more than once, in fact), Christine might be forgiven for being somewhat overcautious, not to mention nervous. Eric, on the other hand, comes across all charming, witty, relaxed, and above all: sincere. At first glance, all seems to go smoothly – the pair chats about this and that, and Eric even orders a selection of tapas for Christine, seeing how she is not acquainted with it. Instead of simply laughing off her lack of knowledge, she can’t resist but making some catty remarks about the choice of restaurant. Not being content with moaning about the eatery, she then starts picking on the attractive Spanish waitress (Ainoa Pravia) about an apparent mix-up over a glass of Chardonnay, belittling her in the process. Within seconds, a ‘lost in translation’ scenario ensues – all created by an increasingly irritated Christine.

At that point, alarm bells should be ringing loud and clear, yet Eric manages to stay calm and, being the smooth operator he is, settles the dispute in no time. Not for long though, and Christine is convinced that she detected some flirtation between Eric and the waitress. Assuring her that he was being nothing more than friendly, Christine goes on about his good looks, his previous exploits (all of which she learned about on Eric’s Facebook) and other utterly ludicrous implications. As he steps out to the washroom (or perhaps just to get some fresh air), Christine bribes the cheerful waitress into deliberately flirting with Eric. By doing so, she want’s to test his ‘faithfulness’. Of course, what she really does is ruining her final chance of a possibly meaningful relationship by driving her date away with her ungrounded jealousy and her newly awakened demons of the past…

This woeful ballad is as hilarious as it is thought provoking, and quite possibly the most poignant play out of the three… Most of us will recognise a slice of ourselves in Christine and Eric – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Ross Simpson was convincing as a bloke who is a natural charmer and experienced in handling the ladies, while Kerry Trewern’s portrayal of Christine proved that the female of the species is more dangerous than the male. Albeit here, the danger element backfired badly. It was a riot to watch Kerry’s performance going from shy and demure to utterly crackpots, all the while being looked on by Ainoa in a bemused yet indifferent way. Above all, the pace was right and the verbal firework never ceased for even one second – not an easy thing to achieve!

Second play What Goes Around is a revenge piece decidedly darker in tone, but nonetheless laced with acidic humour. The action focuses on Helen (Laura Inglis), a forty-something high-flying executive who achieved her all-powerful status (she’s head of a successful publishing company) by running over other people like a bulldozer. Never having any qualms about who is in the right, Helen has no scruples when it comes to take what she thinks should be hers, even when it shouldn’t… On the other end of the spectrum is her long-suffering assistant (Linda Palm), seemingly well meaning and obedient by nature. As Helen shrewdly remarks: “some of us are born to give orders, others are born to serve!”

Helen’s infuriatingly self-obsessed and inconsiderate attitude was delivered with almost sadistic relish by Miss Inglis, at the same time she managed to infuse the nastiness of her character with enough humour to keep her performance entertaining. Think of the ‘chemistry’ between Sigourney Weaver and Melanie Griffith in the 80’s movie Working Girl, and you get the idea! Linda Palm’s performance was likewise cleverly handled, for hers was a character dying to break out of her unthankful position, yet lacking the guts to move up in the job world. At least this is what the audience was led to believe. Enter Scarlett (Helga Codona), a 19-year old who arrives for a job interview (chosen to be fit for the position by Helen’s assistant).

It’s from here on that things get, unfortunately, a little confusing for the audience – for not only does Codona look way too mature to play a 19-year old (though this being drama school casting, liberties ought to be taken into consideration) but it was her outfit/make-up that left some audience members somewhat bewildered. Sporting a decidedly Swinging Sixties mini-dress, semi-beehive hair-do and above all, VERY 1960-style false eyelashes and heavy eyeliner, the crowd was left guessing as to whether the play is meant to be set within that particular decade (if so, why weren’t the others dressed retro). Or might there be more to Scarlett’s character than meets the eye? As the apparent interview between wannabe employee and employer unfolds, and yours truly begins to wonder where the story is going, a twist takes place. As it turns out, Scarlett isn’t interested in the advertised position, oh no! Her motive is revenge, and nothing but! Within minutes of the interview, Helen sees herself confronted with her own dark past: Scarlett is none other than the daughter of parents which Helen once destroyed… by having started an affair with Scarlett’s dad, resulting in him leaving his wife. Now, Scarlett has come to destroy the very woman who destroyed her mother and her own childhood, and to make Helen realise what a reckless individual she is.

Whilst the revenge plot might be more individual, it’s Helen’s tyrannical attitude which no doubt strikes a few chords – it’s a story which takes place in offices and companies all over the country. Acted in an exaggerated manner for added comedy effect, yes. But deep down it’s a scenario many of us can relate to. The on-stage dynamic between Scarlett and Helen didn’t feel quite right at first, the former too passive-aggressive in attitude to truly evoke curiosity and probing interest in Helen. In the end though, it did culminate in a showdown as well as a breakdown.

Final play turns out to be a mixed bag to say the least. The Virgin And The Sorceress concerns three female, modern-day practitioners of the black arts. Simply described as witches in the synopsis (for the uninitiated: there are different types of witchcraft), the paraphernalia displayed leaves no doubt that we are about to encounter the black arts variety (portrayed by Julia Sinclair and Julia Izquiedro). Ironically, these witches are as clueless about their craft as most folks are about magic (writers and film directors included). It quickly emerges that the two Julia characters are deluded enough to believe that sacrificing a male virgin will grant them eternal life. See? This is what happens when you watch too much Hollywood nonsense like The Craft, and don’t know your Aleister Crowley from your Austin Spare, nor your Gerald Gardner from your Yvonne Frost. Never mind. What goes around comes around…

So, these two witches (with their batty false eyelashes and velvet cloaks they seem to belong to a Goth vampire coven) lure a naive male virgin (hilariously played by James Davidson) into their inner sanctum, with promises of a night of deflowering and sexual paradise. Teased, drugged, gagged and tortured (yet with no nipple clamps in sight), our hapless hero wakes up realising that he’s several spells away from any paradise – let alone a sexual one. Oh dear! Now the sub-plot unfolds, for the two witches turn into selfish bitches… debating how to commit murder most foul in a manner that suits their individual egos best. That’s a bad move in the world of witchcraft, for as mentioned before: what goes around comes around!

Enter Lilith (Ula Petronyte), and the name says it all. Lilith is as much witch as she is demon. Really, you don’t want to mess with that kind – not even if you are a fellow witch. Ula, who - with her combed back short hair, trousers and boots - resembled Dave Vanian of The Damned, takes sinister pleasure in teaching her disciples a thing or two, thus bringing their plot to an ending they had not anticipated. As the virgin is given a chance to escape, he is stammering the very line which turns out to bring the house down: “I’ll never again answer an ad on Gumtree!”

The plays, deftly written and skilfully directed by Julian Wickham, cleverly highlight the extremities of the female psyche and demonstrate how our insecurities can eat away and ultimately consume and expose us, leaving us Naked.

(www.edinburghstageschool.com)