The Expendables 2

The Expendables 2

There’s nothing more fun than seeing a stereotype fulfilled. This is especially true in the case of movies. Epics’ should have a enormous stringy scores, long stares and laconic speeches. Horror movies should have that trio of friends: the minority that dies first, the hot one that loses their clothes before they die and the quiet one who was in on the whole thing. Likewise, a good action movie needs to avoid complexities like plot, character development or even understandable script and concentrate on the golden rule of explosions / machine gun fire / helicopters every 4 and half minutes. The Expendables 2 does not disappoint. Opening in deepest darkest Nepal with soldiers inexplicably milling around attacking women, pistol whipping prisoners, loading heavy artillery and not paying their TV licence, the film takes just two minutes before Statham and Stallone arrive with their crew, levelling the entire place. Within less than 3 minutes of the film starting Stallone has already driven a motorbike off a ramp and into an airborne helicopter (shortly after taking time out to exchange Man-Banter with Statham).

Despite being paid huge amounts for the insane work they do, the team then return home to what appears to be the roughest joint in town for beer, grunting and misogyny, before Stallone has a man-to-man grunt with Willis that involves yet another deadly mission. Foregoing the need for post battlefield combat therapy, some sleep or perhaps a shower, the team are off again, controversially (and reluctantly) with martial-arts trained safe-cracking expert Maggie (Chinese newcomer Nan Yu) this time to Albania, to capture secret information locked in a safe, in a crashed plane. What follows is another 90 minutes of shooting, explosions and one liners.

This is absolutely epic stuff. Film-buffs, indie-cinema lovers, movie-critics, hide. For anyone that loves an action movie, this is nothing short of a wet dream. The reason is simple: The Expendables 2 takes the clawing, cringing seriousness of most action movies - Pearce Brosnan adjusting his tie after a kung fu fight, Vin Diesel laughing (or burping?) after he wins a race, and has fun with it. Whether it’s Lundgren’s woeful attempts at seducing Nan Yu (“You know, I love Chinese food...”) Bruce Willis mocking Schwarzenegger's aggression (“Whaddya gonna do? Terminate him?”) the fact that Stallone constantly mocks Lundgren for “once being a scientist who got a Fullbright scholarship” (In reality, this is actually true), Schwarzenegger's take on his action-movie team (“We all belong in a museum”) ” or just the sheer self-consciously engineered lines (“We don’t talk about death. We keep it light. Until it’s time to get dark. Then we go pitch black”), it’s obvious that this film is more or less a product of Stallone and his boys point-scoring on each other: it’s fun to watch.

There are attempts made at seriousness, but often it looks like the gag-reel was left in. A moment intended to be emotive, featuring the team coming across armed elderly peasant women trying to stop their sons being abducted for a labour camp is ended by Statham telling Lundgren “Hey, even you might get laid here”. A nod to the realities of intelligence gathering in war with Maggie producing a set of torture instruments in front of a captured soldier is ended with “Whaddya gonna give him, a pedicure?”. The first Expendables ran the risk of looking like it was trying to be a serious action movie. Expendables 2 makes it clear from the off this is not the plan.

Far and away the best moment in the film is the appearance of action-movie royalty, Chuck Norris. Stallone’s greets him with “You’re alive?” followed by a true moment in cinematic history: Chuck Norris, starts cracking Chuck Norris jokes. Cue whistles, claps, cheers and popcorn everywhere at the screening. Norris plays his part beautifully, with lots of looking into the distance and beautifully toe-curling one liners.

The Expendables 2 needs to be approached in the right way. As a “classic” action flick, it lacks the pace of Speed, the style of Bad Boys or the stylish, macho violence of Blade. However, as an action film that consistently and knowingly sails seriously close to being a parody of itself, the Expendables 2 delivers. It’s destined to be a divisive, love it or hate it movie, but go into it expecting fun-with-guns and it might just be the best movie you’ve seen for a while.

I’d watch it again.

8/10.



--> The Expendables 2 Will be in UK Cinemas from August 16