03 September 2013 (released)
11 September 2013
The Squeaky Clean is in reality more of a mild soap opera than a bittersweet comedy, which is how it is described. Not a great deal actually happens – we have a struggling Fulham family who are experiencing the difficulties that only too many families encounter these days.
‘Dad’ Martin (Mark Savage), at the age of 50, has just been made redundant after 25 years of loyalty to the same firm. ‘Mum’ Ruth (Annie L. Cooper) is working as a receiver of dirty phone calls from randy and frustrated men. Son Alfie (Joe Attewell), who reluctantly works in a bookshop although he never reads anything except The Sun and The Daily Mail (oh come on!), strongly disapproves of how is mum is earning a living while the rest of the family are slightly more tolerant about it. Meanwhile, daughter Charon (Sydnee Howard) is preoccupied with her boyfriend and her forthcoming wedding. On the other hand, Alfie has got the hots for Rose (Katrina Dunwell), a more than ample girl working in the local charity shop.
After Alfie manages to get an upset Rose, who had a tiff with her boyfriend in the pub, back to an empty family house, it soon becomes pretty clear that the girl, unlike himself, is no sexual ingénue. It’s not before long when things take a turn for the worse.
Martin, a diamond geezer, appears to take absolutely everything in his stride. When Ruth admits that she gets a kick out of her phone sex job and later reveals to meeting a client in a pub, one might think the stage is set for some fireworks. Unfortunately, there isn’t even the ignition of a spark, what with Ruth reassuringly telling hubbie that all that happened was her meeting him for a drink. Which makes one wonder as to why she even bothered telling Martin about it in the first place!
Does this grab you so far? Well, when Rose finds out what Ruth does for a living, she feels that this could be a major improvement on her present employment - much to young Alfie’s chagrin. In fact, shock horror, so incensed is he that he uses a certain four-letter word! Finally, after the next chain of events, Alfie admits to still being a virgin – and storms out of the family home. Finally, the audience gets to taste a little bitterness. Despite all this, potentially hairy situations get resolved all too easily. Even when daughter Charon confesses to be pregnant – when having stated in Act 1 that children are simply not for her – later, in an excruciatingly sugar-laced speech delivered to her mother, she confesses that after some blissful love-making with her boyfriend, she has now changed her mind.
But who is going to pay for the wedding? Don’t worry! At his age, would you believe it, everything’s come up roses for dad, including a new job. Alfie decides to take a leaf out of dad’s book and look for a new job. There is much hugging going on and everyone generously seems to dish out compliments, despite the fact that little of their wedding attire gives the impression of being tailor-made. As for the grand finale, well, I don’t want to give too much away.
The direction borders on flat, but the actors make the best of what material is on offer. Mark Savage (‘Gripper Stebson’ from Grange Hill) does a particularly good job in a thankless role, but it is basically Annie L. Cooper’s piece. Who said men can’t write decent roles for women? Here is one who temporarily supports her family by taking on a job that many others would find repugnant.
THE SQUEAKY CLEAN runs from 3 Sept. to 21 Sept. at the New Wimbledon Studio
The Broadway, Wimbledon, London SW19 1QG.
