Lockjaw (Rise of the Kulev Serpent!)

Now I love movies…… I really enjoy watching and relishing a film. They are artistic fun and mostly enjoyable however I will sit through anything……

With this movie I had to.
This movie is really terrible, bad, awful, sorry it was so bad I almost stopped watching it, but then I would not have had the right to assassinate this movie as directly and fully as I am about to.

What was DMX thinking when he agreed to this dire piece of work? The acting is the worst I have seen especially the kids in the beginning sequence of the film where we are introduced to a voodoo priest who has in his possession a pen, shaped like serpent, that has half way changed to a crocodile. Think of it as the BIC of death, because when you write with it with revenge in your mind then the serpent comes and gets you….. DMX who I liked in his outing with Jet Lee and who is clearly a talented musician, is the son of this priest who grows up to help out a bunch of southern American teenagers ( Wes Brown , Lauren Fain) the two main leads who accidentally knock over the wife of a guy who then draws the friends using the deadly biro.
Along comes a rather unconvincing CGI monster that wouldn’t scare my two year old nephew, that is if you can actually see it, because the lighting in the movie is so dark you might start looking for some infrared goggles to watch the movie with. The dialogue is terrible and the overall reactions the characters have to this monster lurking close by and then hunting them are farfetched and incomprehensible. At times it left me wondering if a Martian had written the story board. The music is awful. I think they used that terrible electric trumpet like music you get from a keyboard and when you here it you will feel like you are in the realm of music terror rather than horror terror. I don’t know what the budget was for this movie, but it looks and sounds like it was three pounds fifty and that was so the crew and cast could get a McDonalds’ for lunch. Remember these are my thoughts and opinions and you may actually like this movie, but I doubt it.

Highlights for DMX - probably holding the RPG
Highlights for watchers of this movie- NIL, NONE,
Summary – need I say any more!!!!

It gets a rating as it is a useful example of what not to make if you are somehow involved in the movie making industry. If anyone wants some advice about script/ story selection in any future movie production please ask. God I hope there isn’t a sequel.