Machete Kills

In 2007, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino released “Grindhouse” - two feature films played back-to-back and interspersed with trailers for fake movies - all soaking in the style of seventies exploitation cinema - complete with poor camera work, the crackle of bad sound quality and lavishly gory and unashamedly glorified violence.

“Grindhouse” was a commercial and critical failure.

But amongst the rubble, there were some redeeming features and original ideas hidden within this double-bill. A couple of the fake trailers - including “DON’T!” a 70s-Hammer-Horror send-up by director Edgar Wright (“Shaun of the Dead”) - are acutely observed. Others, like “Machete” were mildly amusing.

In 2010, Rodriguez came to the conclusion that audiences were crying out for a full feature length adaptation of “Machete”. I’d like to believe I was speaking for all moviegoers when I said: “No Robert, you must’ve misheard us. We weren’t crying out for that at all”.
But a box office haul of over $44 million easily proved me wrong and made the studio's decision to green-light two sequels seem obvious.
And that is why this month will see the DVD and Blu-ray release of “Machete Kills”.

This is normally the section of the review in which I would briefly outline the film’s main plot points. However, there is no need to do so with “Machete Kills” since the storyline is unbelievably inconsequential and so incredibly disjointed that at times the film feels more like a series of sketches played one after the other than a singular unfolding narrative. Robert Rodriguez does keep the movie sprinting at an impressive pace throughout - with sharp jump cuts keeping your eyes on the screen at all times despite the plot veering off-course and (at times) coming to a complete standstill.

In fact, Rodriguez has learnt a lot from the first cinematic outing of his machete-loving Mexican. Sadly his education has not yet revealed that a tight running time is crucial for this genre of film - since it doesn't take long for the jokes to begin to wear thin - especially since it is the third time much of the Machete material has appeared on the silver screen. Still, Rodriguez does double-up on unhinged celebrity cameos - an area in which Machete thrills!

Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Hudgens, Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson all throw themselves head-first into Rodriguez’s bizarre vision of a 21 Century exploitation action adventure. Its fun to see Gibson play the type of henchman-hiring villain found in innumerable Sean Connery James Bond films. His maniacal performance is pleasantly reminiscent of his role in the “Lethal Weapon” films. Charlie Sheen plays a US president that would be at home on the set of “Two and a Half Men” and to his credit - and to the credit of Mel Gibson and Amber Heard - at times all this dead-pan cartoon-like buffoonery really works -

- but other times it falls flat.
Really flat.

Ultimately, if you are reading a review of “Machete Kills” you know exactly the type of film it is going to be. And if that is what you are looking for - you are not going to be disappointed in the slightest. With bigger and better performances this time round, the film speeds through shoot-outs with unnamed henchmen, shoot-outs with scantily-clad prostitutes and their machine gun brassieres and shoot-outs with stereotypical drug dealers.
Oh, and shoot-outs with astronauts as well.
Each of these over-the-top blood baths is interspersed with cheesy one-liners and cringe-inducingly bad dialogue. But for Robert Rodriguez - that’s exactly the point. And if you're in on the joke there's going to be a lot to love here.

Interestingly, despite every female in “Machete Kills” being unapologetically and heavily sexualised - the film does pass the Bechdel Test (a three-step process that tests the gender politics of a piece of cinema).

If you don’t know whether or not you will enjoy “Machete Kills” - there is a scene in which a man has his intestines dragged through his stomach and thrown into the rotating blades of a helicopter. As the blades spin he is dragged through the air, chopped up and then promptly causes the ‘copter to explode. This is all played for laughs with the help of poor CGI squibs.
That’s the kind of film it is. It's not trying to play to a big audience. It's just trying to please its enthusiasts - $44 million worth of them.

So is "Machete Kills" a good film?
Made up your mind yet?

4/10
@JustAaronBrown