The Millionaires' Express

This 1986 slapstick-comedy-Western (set in China) stars and is directed by the one and only Sammo Hung – a force to be reckoned with. The insane adventure also boasts other well-known faces like Yuen Biao, Richard Ng, Rosamund Kwan and Eric Tsang among the cast while US and Australian martial arts stars Cynthia Rothrock and Richard Norton lend their talents in relatively brief yet high-octane appearances.

Likable crook Ching Fong-Tin (Sammo Hung) is wading through tons of snow somewhere in Russia to rob apparently dead Russian soldiers lying in the ice. A quick look at the ‘corpses’ should tell Ching that the soldiers have either just died or aren’t dead at all… the latter is the case when it turns out that the frozen corpses are very much alive and everything was just a military exercise. Poor Ching is captured and humiliated when the soldiers order him to strip down to his underwear, place a mop on his head and have him dancing like a Hula maiden. Quick-witted as ever, Ching manages to grab some hand grenades and boom – the soldiers’ cabin blows up whilst Ching escapes… only to be confronted minutes later by his old foe Fook Loi (Kenny Bee) who reads him the riot act and lectures him about his criminal activities (this despite Fook being a bit of a chancer himself). In the ensuing fight the two men first roll around in the snow (just as well that Sammo is naturally well-padded) which soon morphs into a gigantic snowball and is the cue for the first of the many madcap stunts before Ching relieves Fook of his clothes and makes his way back in the direction of China.

Meanwhile… in the city of Hanshui (resembling a Chinese Wild West town) a gang of bandits dressed as policemen set fire to the hotel, all a plan to distract the locals as well as the law enforcers while the bandits plan on robbing the bank. ‘Fire chief’ Tsao (Yuen Biao) rescues some guests from the burning hotel and manages to rescue two of the bandits, however, the rest of the gang escape. With every citizen now having lost their money in the robbery the town’s Mayor is asked to give an encouraging speech of hope but instead his speech turns out to be rather less than encouraging. Disappointed, Tsao takes over and is promptly elevated to the post of new Mayor as well as the Head of Security.

Meanwhile… in another part of town, Ching has arrived in what transpires to be his former hometown. With him travel a bevy of beautiful ladies (including Rosamund Kwan, Olivia Cheng, Emily Chu and Pauline Yu-wan) who are in fact ‘ladies of the night’ though initially posing as wannabe-brides eager to find a suitable groom in Hanshui. Ching’s grand ambition is to turn the town into a mini-Las Vegas complete with casinos, brothels and what have you but new law enforcer Tsao soon smells a rat and observes Ching’s every move. Unfazed, Ching plans to stop a train loaded with wealthy passengers (the milionaires’ express of the title) by means of blowing up a stretch of the train track with dynamite, thus forcing the stranded (and rich) passengers) to spend some time in Hanshui and fritter their money away.

Meanwhile… the ‘Millionaires’ Express’ leaves Shanghai station with a motley crew of passengers including Han (Richard Ng, once again dressed in traditional English garb – in this case like a Chinese version of Sherlock Holmes) and his overweight wife (Lydia Shum) from whom he tries to escape by pretending to need the lavatory but instead climbs onto the train’s roof (as one does) in order to reach the next carriage in which his mistress is eagerly waiting. Other guests, unbeknownst to Ching, include assorted lowlife and a gang of Japanese ninjas who have their own agenda. All the while some of the escaped bank robbers including Jook Boo (Eric Tsang) and his accomplice (Lam Ching Ying) who also happened to be the bank’s security officer hatch their own plans to sabotage the train and get to the rolling riches (cue for more slapstick mayhem).

When the track blows up and the stranded and unassuming passengers are ushered to town by a scheming Ching it won’t be long before all hell breaks loose and playing-it-straight-among-the slapstick Yuen Biao gives a damn fine performance as law-and-order man Tsao who needs to join forces with Ching of all people, if they successfully want to fight off various groups of bandits and Japanese ninjas including a particularly dangerous female specimen (Yukari Oshima). As if the overall mayhem and chaos aren’t enough already two Western bandits in the shape of Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock make life even more difficult (check out the fight sequence between Sammo and Cynthia). Oh, did I mention that Fook Loi has obviously managed to cross the Russian/Chinese border and now wants a slice of the action, er, cake, er, money?

As ever with Sammo Hung films, the action choreography is nothing short of mind-boggling and at times it’s a real challenge to keep track of the different characters and their agendas. Sammo once again proves his deserved status as one of Hong Kong’s finest and here almost surpasses himself.

Fans of Sammo should be thrilled with this marvellously restored Eureka Limited-Edition Blu-ray release which offers 2 discs in one set and in fact four versions of the movie: the Original Hong Kong Theatrical Cut and the Extended Version on Disc 1 plus the English Language Version and the Hybrid Cut (exclusively created for this release) on Disc 2. And of course the usual array of trailers, interviews, audio commentaries, booklet and so on!